Oh, the beauty of commercial aviation! On a flight out to San Diego, I endured the sound of babies yelping like strangled banshees 2 rows ahead and the sight of a middle-aged newly wed couple making out like hormonally charged teenagers to my right. Between the auditory assault and the vomit-center stimulating visuals, a thought occurred to me: is there a chance of baby or marriage in my future?
This isn't the first time this question came up in the last week. During dinner the other night, a friend asked me, "What do you estimate the percentage of you getting married or having children are?" This question caught me off guard. As I was ruminating over the idea of my future, with my fancy $1 burger in one hand a beer in the other, I kept drawing a blank. I am not one to invest time into things I don't have control over. Things such as falling in love with another sentient being. Falling in love so hard it makes me want to play host to another life for 9 months. After some cerebral stimulation, I answered in the most honest and elegant way I can, "Dude, I have no frickin' clue."
After realizing I had forgotten my headphones and having no desire to reread the Sky Mall (out of fear I might be too interested in the Harry Potter collector items), I decided to address the question about my future.
I am a mere one quarter century old and I am still able to be extremely selective when it comes to men. Yes, I have been told my criteria are borderline ridiculous, but I know what I want and I believe in dreaming big. I am also starting to wonder how my criteria might change with time, when I am a third or half a century old. How might they change when the selection of single men dwindle? Should I start streamlining my checklist now?
I am a self-proclaimed efficient suitcase packer. No matter where I go and no matter for how long, it doesn't take me more than 30 minutes to pack. I know what the essentials are. I know what things can be purchased later on during the trip. So what are the essential qualities of life time partner?
We have all played that game where we buy clothing that don't perfectly fit us because it looks great on the mannequin or because it is on sale. We have told ourselves we will lose the extra weight or have the dress taken in later on and everything will be fine. What percentage of those not-so-perfect-from-the-beginning pieces do we wear all the time? Or are the price tags still on them as they hang in the back of our closets reminding us of the lie we sold ourselves?
I don't settle when it comes to clothing. Why would I settle when it comes to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? There are just essential qualities about a person that you can't wish to develop later on in life. That imperfect piece of clothing will never fit you unless some major drastic changes are made. Do you dare take that gamble? I've rolled dice. I played and lost. Lesson learned.
I made two columns on the back of my plane ticket - one for my current criteria list and one for my streamlined-these-are-the-essentials list:
Current checklist (nothing specific, in no particular order)
1. Physical chemistry
2. Intellectual chemistry
3. Emotional chemistry
4. Be financially secure and savvy
5. Have morals and core values congruent to mine
(i.e. honesty, love for family, respect for others etc.)
6. Live a similar lifestyle (i.e. non-smoker, physically fit)
7. Share interests in similar activities (a man I can take anywhere)
8. Is in love with me
9. Can grow with me
10. Desire to be educated and cultured & is proactive about achieving such desire
Stream-lined list
The exact same as above
I don't believe in settling. Why should I aim lower just because the selection pool narrows decades down the line? I also don't believe that I can cut anything out in my list. Perhaps it will take a really long time to find Mr. Perfect-For-Me, but when and if we do meet, he will be worth the wait. If I don't find him, then I don't. I'd rather be comfortable naked than have to spend my precious time donning something that doesn't fit and doesn't make me feel vivacious (I might also have to look into nudist colonies). I still don't know what the chances are when it comes to me, marriage and a baby carriage. Perhaps the odds are against me? No matter what these unknown statistics are, I plan on sticking to what I know and I what I want.
What are your essential criteria? Do you think they will change with time?
