Lesson #1: When You Can Truly Love Someone

My loving and wise father has taught me an infinite number of life lessons throughout the years. This man, for whom I have very high respect, has taught me everything from how to put on a shirt, how to solve for X, how to balance a chemical equation, how to change a tire and to how keeping your word reflects your character.

I am starting a category labeled "Wisdom From My Father" in order to share his invaluable knowledge. Consider this my version of "$#!+ My Dad Says."

Lesson #1: When You Can Truly Love Someone 

My great grandmother married a widower who had many, many children. She loved them all genuinely and wholeheartedly. When she passed away, her stepchildren showed how much they loved her in return by actually arguing over who would have the honor of paying all her funeral costs. 

When my father was a young man he asked my great grandmother how she was able to love so many children that were not her own. She told him that her love for those children stemmed from her love for her husband and her want for him to be happy. She then proceeded to teach my father a lesson on love that he would pass down to me:

When you are poor, when you have very little money to your name, does it make sense to loan money to other people? You simply can't do it because you have nothing to offer. Love is the same way. In order for you to truly love others, you must love yourself first. You must be wealthy when it comes to self-love. Only then, can you love generously and freely. 

My 2-cents: 

When people who don't love themselves enough say that they love someone else, it makes me think that so-called love is more of a dependence than true love. You try to give apart of yourself away in hopes of getting something in return, in hopes the other person will fill your void with their love. What happens when that other person leaves? Will you be left so alone and empty that you have nothing for yourself or for others in your life? 

Irrational Tendencies

Merriam-Webster defines irrational as (1) not endowed with reason or understanding (2) lacking usual or normal mental clarity or coherence. What separates us from our reason and mental clarity? Is it being under the influence of passion, emotions or chemical substances? And when we feel the urge of irrationality, how can we stop ourselves? 

I have been bottling up a lot of emotions lately, mostly fear and uncertainty. Fear that I am falling short of my potentials and uncertainty about whether or not I have the capacity to conquer my fear. Not sharing these emotions breeds more uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety and restlessness. Yesterday was a particularly bad day. Nothing of note actually happened, but I was starting to feel the little things snowballing into an avalanche. I felt the burden pressing down and I was on the brink of snapping...I can hear the cracks starting to form. It was difficult to think logically. It was dark and drizzling. I was driving. I could not orient myself. I couldn't even pay attention to my GPS. 

Then I felt the deft hands of irrationality caressing my shoulders. In my mind I knew I had the next few days off from work and as if under a spell, I drove to the airport. A small, dark thought crept into my head, "Just get away. You have the time. You have the money. Just break your own rules. Just get away." As I drove towards the main terminal, I can feel my heart pounding with the sense of urgency. I can feel a surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins and seeping into my thoughts. I rolled down my windows to hear the sound of planes taking off and wheels of suitcases rolling across the wet ground. I had everything I would actually need. My ID. My credit cards. My favorite lip gloss. My irrationality. I was good to go. 

I soon found myself stuck behind a shuttle bus. I took numerous deep breaths in order to calm my racing mind. My rationality and my senses returned to me. A honk from the vehicle behind me, signaling me to get moving snapped me out of my trance. I drove straight on and took the exit lane home. This was the closest I had ever come to realizing a major irrational impulse. I have done many little impulsive things before - splurges on clothing, splurges on food and other silly things when I was in love. But never just taking off on a plane and not telling anyone. 

I knew I had to face whatever emotions were plaguing me head on. But not tonight, not when I feel like every cell in my body was buzzing with excitement from how close I was to realizing my irrational thoughts. I took myself to the gyms. Yes, plural. I relinquished my aggression through kick boxing and calmed myself down further with a 4.5 mile run, abdominal work and myofascial release. 

Three hours later, I was too exhausted to even comprehend what was bothering me before. I could only think of a hot shower and embracing the comforts of my bed. 

I reflected on my close call the morning after. Would I really have stepped on an airplane if the shuttle bus didn't buy me time? I will never know for sure. I can't help but think, "Where would I have woken up this morning had I gone through with it?" 

My take away lesson from this experience is to always have a backup plan. I need to mentally prepare for irrationality because I have no doubt that it will come around many times more in this lifetime. I learned to recognize when emotions are bottling up and how to deal with them before too much pressure accumulates. I need to learn to recognize when it's passion and emotions that are dictating my action instead of myself. 

I also can't help but think, wouldn't it be fun if I had been irrational this time? I could have start dealing with my issues in a nice little bed and breakfast on the coast somewhere...

What was the last irrational thing you did? And why? 

Getting Out of a Ticket: My New Year's Tip

I am writing this entry because I got pulled over this morning. My crime? Stopping traffic with my legendary badonkadonk while running in yoga pants. Seriously? My license plates expired and I was at a red light when a police officer changed lanes and got right behind me! I am a very detail-oriented person when it comes to relationships and work, but I am pretty much oblivious when it comes to everything else.

I have gotten out of many traffic tickets before and today was no exception. I will give you a play-by-play and then break it all down.

Saw the red and blue lights flashing and cursed to myself. 

Slowly and carefully pulled into the closest parking lot off the road. 

Got out my license and registration immediately and mentally prepared myself to be as charming as possible.

I rolled down my window as the officer approaches and smiled a big, winning smile. 

"Good morning, officer!"

"Ma'am, I pulled you over because your plates have expired. I need to see your license and registration."

"Yes, officer. I have my license and registration all ready for you. Here you go, sir! I understand my license plates have expired and I sincerely apologize for not realizing it sooner. This is the first time I have owned a vehicle and I honestly am not used to taking care of such things. A friend just pointed it out to me the other day and I am in the process of getting all the required paperwork, but I have just been working oh so much! This was a slip up on my part and you were completely right for pulling me over." I inserted more sweet smiles and a touch of puppy eyes. 

"I'll be right back ma'am." 

I sat there as nervous as if I were going to go on a date with Brad Pitt. I also hoped I had made a good enough impression. Then the officer returns to my car.

"Ma'am. You know that it is illegal every day you drive around with expired plates." 

"Oh, yes! I understand the severity of this and I am trying my best to get this corrected as soon as I can."

"I'm only going to give you a warning. Here's is your license and insurance card back. You have a good day and drive safely."

"Thank you so much, officer. I hope you have a pleasant day yourself and thank you again."

After he turned to leave and after I rolled up my windows, two thoughts occurred to me:

1. Saaaaawwwwwweeeeeeeeet! 

2. I am so freaking glad I actually look really decent this morning! 

detectorlaser.com

So if you ever get pulled over for a minor* moving violation, remember the following:

1. Don't panic! Take a deep breath and get your license and registration (L&R) ready STAT! Greet the office nicely and smile! You probably want to plead for mercy right now, but don't even attempt to utter anything until you have given the office your L&R. The officer must follow procedure. He/she won't talk to you until these pieces of information are surrendered. 

2. After handing over your essentials, don't let the officer turn and leave- this is key! Once the officer goes back to the squad car and writes the ticket, game over! This is when you plead for mercy. 

3. You probably already know why you got pulled over. Just admit your guilt and tell the officer that he/she is right. The person with that big gun is also packing a lot of pride. You need to play into this factor and make the officer feel proud and important. Once you have successfully accomplished this task, the office will be less likely to want to punish you further. If you're pulled over because you were speeding, DON'T admit fault! Ask the officer extremely politely to see the radar (in some jurisdictions, you are allowed to request this). If the officer does not want to show it you, don't press your luck. 

*"Minor" qualifies as things that are NOT drinking and driving, transporting illegal drugs, transporting a dead body or if you just kidnapped Justin Bieber. You will need a higher power to save you if you are guilty of such. 

mrtraffic.com

If you do end up getting a ticket, it's not really game over. Remember to still be pleasant to the officer. You want to leave a very good impression of yourself. You can still contact the officer later via a phone call or a written letter to further plead your case and your circumstance - you still have a shot. Be thorough and convincing about why he/she should drop your ticket. If this doesn't work and you have to go to court, it's still not game over yet. You can still plead your case to the judge and it pays to be nice to the office in case he/she is at court. I have gone to court two times for traffic tickets and the judges have dropped my tickets both times. I had to pay a very small court fee and I was free to go with nothing on my record.

I have been fortunate enough to have dated an attorney, who enlightened me with all these tips. Always remember to present yourself on your best behavior and be as genuinely pleasant as possible. For my friends who claim the only reason I got out of my tickets was because I am a pretty girl... brains beat beauty, baby! The only way I weaseled out of those tickets is because I was smart enough to be cool and collected as well say the right things. Even gorgeous celebrities get tickets, so beauty isn't everything! But, I have to admit, looking pretty definitely did not hurt my chances! Maybe I should stash makeup in the glove compartment in case I get pulled over on a day when I look like Courtney Love instead of Courtney Cox. 

I hope these amateur tips will help you next time you look up and see those flashing lights! Good luck!


Note: Within a few hours of getting pulled over, I got my plates renewed. I'm good for 2 more years!

Breaking News In Health: Dating Online Fatigue Syndrome

Down right, exhausted!! 

I am feeling abnormally exhausted today. My imagination seems to be the only thing left that had the stamina to run wild. Thyroid malfunction? Lack of sleep? Working out to much? No. No. And no.

After examining all my symptoms and consulting several medical texts, I have diagnosed myself with a case of Dating Online Fatigue Syndrome (DOFS). Although I have officially coined this term, I am not the first of its victims. I hope I can share my story and help others like me, so they won't have to suffer in silence.

P.N. is a 25 year old single, Asian female who presents with the following signs and symptoms:

1. Inability to recall information from online profiles at the drop of a hat
2. Inability to focus (example: Eating two pastries instead of one because you forgot you ate one already).
3. Over analyzing messages.
4. Eye strain from reading too many messages.
5. Generalized lethargy with hints of apathy (example: This guy looks really hot, but I would rather eat poorly prepared foie gras than read another profile).

I blame my case of DOFS on the New Year. Single people out there are hopeful for a year of happiness and love. I too, am one of those hopefuls, but I have not been as active about making my wish come true as these other folks. My mailbox felt like the elastic waist band of a hungry fat kid at Thanksgiving dinner at Paula Dean's house. As if the notices on sales and donation solicitations weren't bad enough, just add notices of quivers, winks, blinks, twinkles, winkles and the whole lot! If curiosity was what killed the cat, this little kitty felt like an anvil with a capital "C" just squashed her after she decided to peer into Pandora's e-mail box. I usually ignore most of these notices, but "a new year, a new beginning," or whatever it says in Hallmark cards really got to me.

It's been 6 months since I embarked on this journey of online dating. I have taken numerous stretches of breaks from it every now and then due to time constraint and  lack of people piquing my interest, so it's not fair to say it's been a full 6 months. It's also not fair to say I've been actively engaged in the whole process. I'm not sure which profile broke this single girl's back...but until the symptoms from DOFS dissipate, I am not going to read about anymore "easy going" people who "likes to have fun with friends" out there. I have also discontinued one of my online dating subscriptions as well.

Maybe it's the DOFS talking, but I'm also contemplating taking a break from dating for a few weeks. It's just exhausting putting myself and my carefully protected heart out there. I don't think I am brave enough to suffer through unrequited feelings. That is definitely one of the worst things for me to experience, especially when I know someone could just be stringing me along. Shopping-therapy helps sometimes, but I know it's not a cure! For those who know me...yeah, I have a sensitive side...shocker! Besides, I have Adventures in 2011 and Resolutions to tackle.

But wait...if it was Pandora's Box that I opened, then there should still be Hope that remains right? Don't worry, I am still a romantic at heart. I will still be in pursuit of that sweeping, epic love. But for now, I am going take take my prescription for DOFS and try to take a break.