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| This is NOT the card I bought! Sadly, my photo wouldn't load :( |
Yes, it's Valentine's Day and throngs of people are stimulating our economy through purchases of cards, chocolates, jewelry, flowers and other accoutrements of "love" that have been cleverly marketed to the masses.
As an observer and devoted practitioner of anti-Valentine's-mass-consumptionism, I am not very fond of all the hoopla that surrounds this so-called holiday as it invades my stores, television and Google page. While I was seething over how all the "sweetness" in the air around me was giving me a figurative cavity, I stumbled upon a greeting card that made this Valentine's Day Scrooge crack a smile.
Front of card
I am sorry,
but I find it necessary
to terminate our relationship
for the following reason(s)
Inside the card there was a check list!
O Your'e stupid
O Your'e mean
O I found someone better
O Spending time with you has made me realize how much I like being alone
O I just figured out that I don't like you
O I had planned on a monogamous relationship
O You're not my type
O You're not good enough for me
O I'm too good for you
I love this card because it reflects my dark, ironic humor and my love for all things efficient. I'm not sure if I have the the heart to actually send it (if I had anyone to send it to), but I had to purchase it (just in case)!
For all you love birds out there celebrating this "holiday," I hope you remember to show this type of affection to your significant other on other random days of the year as well. The best gestures of the love are the "just because" ones.
As for me, I won't be spending the rest of the day popping pink and red balloons or running over Cupids with my convertible. I plan on avoiding all this mess in the gourmet kitchen of a close friend as we celebrate our love for recipes from Food and Wine Magazine.
Side Note:
On my 6 mile run through Forest Park, a handsome man taught me something my mother never did: how to properly tie my shoe strings for a snug fit! Inspired by this bit of information, I Googled and found other techniques for tying shoe strings so they don't come undone! Check out this video at Runner's World (and yes you have to watch a very short ad).
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