Dining Etiquette: When You Feel Like "Pretty Woman" at a Fancy Dinner

Mix (64th floor of THEhotel), Las Vegas
I had the pleasure of committing a few dining faux pas here during a birthday dinner.
Photo courtesy of Google image.

I was inspired to write this entry by recent discussion over dining etiquette on a dinner date. As a girl who has been fortunate enough to dine at many upscale restaurants, I would like to share with my audience some things I learned from my dinning experiences as well as from an etiquette class I once took. I want to save you from the blunders and embarrassments I have had to live down.

Of course we all know not to speak with our mouths full, keep our elbows off the table and not slouch, but here are some very important etiquette that can be easily overlooked:

1. Wear appropriate attire. Keep in mind your company, the venue and the purpose of the dinner. 

I wore a sexy little black dress with patented leather stilettos to one of the fanciest restaurants in the country. My company was a friend I knew very well and the purpose of the dinner was because we were hungry for gourmet food. We were also in Las Vegas, so I wore a sexy dress to dinner in case we went out afterwards. I totally felt inappropriate. 

2. Sitting down (and standing up). Wait until the people of higher ranking or seniority are seated before you seat yourself. What exactly does that mean? Your significant other's parents, your boss and the Queen gets to be seated first. When these people stand up, you must also rise. I'm sure most of you know this already, but when a lady gets up, the gentlemen should as well. I hope none of you eat somewhere fancy with a lady who has bladder issues (hmm...this would make a great Detrol LA or Toviaz commericial)! 

3. The napkin. Either allow the server to place it on your lap or do it yourself. The napkin stays in your lap, do not tuck it like a bib. If you have to get up in the middle of dinner, loosely fold the napkin and set it on either side of your plate. Here's an interesting factoid! I read somewhere that the purpose of the napkin is to shield your lap from spills and NOT for wiping your face. Is anyone else aware of this?!

This invention is awesomely tacky! I love it!

4. Bread and butter. Remove from the community butter dish the amount you intend to use to abstain from going back and forth between your plate and the community dish (and prevent contamination of the community butter). When buttering your bread, tear the bread into bite size pieces and butter each piece one bite at time. This will prevent you from ungracefully shoving a piece of buttered bread into your face. Apparently, we can't use napkins to wipe butter off our face anyway! 

My companion brought this butter etiquette to my attention. I do this already because I get grossed out by the contamination factor of sharing butter-- I never knew it was an actual etiquette! 

5. Know the table setting. 

Remember to leave each item in its place. I made the mistake of moving
the bread plate closer to me, so I wouldn't have reach. The server continuously
moved my bread plate back to it's original position every time he passed by to
refill my bread. Embarrassing!! 

6. Eating. 

a. Spoon soup away from you and tip it towards you when you eat. When picking up food with a fork, do it with the tines facing down. 

I don't get the whole spoon away from you thing. My date suggested that if you repeatedly spoon towards yourself, it could seem like you are shoveling food in your face (like you're absolutely starving), not the least bit elegant. 

b. Cut food with the knife in your right hand the hold the food down with the fork (tines down) in your left hand. After you have sliced off a few pieces, place the knife down and transfer the fork to your right hand and begin eating. Chew. Swallow. Repeat. (Caveat, you are right handed). 

c. If eating a piece of meat, do not cut up the entire piece of meat into bite size pieces all at once. I have never seen this done, but if you are guilty of such atrocity, cut it out!

d. Eat as elegantly as you can. Don't make rude noises such as slurping sounds. 

e. Do not do the following at the table: blow your nose, apply makeup, use a toothpick. 

I am guilty of reapplying lip gloss at the table. It takes 5 seconds to reapply and a hundred times longer to leave the table. 

f. If you have to cough, cover with your napkin (the napkin will also help stifle the cough). 

g. If you have to go to the bathroom, just say "Excuse/Pardon me." Don't say I'm going to the bathroom-- people are eating, they don't need the imagery. 

The above list is by no means all encompassing. I strongly feel that if you follow the above general guidelines, you will be safe dining formally. If you ever dine with me, I will probably not adhere to all the rules at all times. I will, however, promise that you will be in the presence of a very neat and polite diner. 

What dining etiquette rules have you broken? Any good etiquettes you like to share? 

New Year's Resolutions & Wishes

With my favorite Top Chef, Richard Blais in Tampa Bay.
 I'm going to trade in the fine dining and valet parking scene for
more of the kitchen and grocery store parking lot scene in 2011.
For those who know me well, stop laughing and support me!!

Resolutions (things I can control)

1.       Eat out less & learn to cook. I will post my creations on the blog. And no, it won't be anything lame like spaghetti or mac 'n cheese. 

2.       Read and write more

3.       Apologize less. We say sorry for things we don't mean all the time. I think overusing that word devalues its meaning. I'm going to say, "Excuse me," next time I accidentally bump into someone. I am sure not remorseful for the bump, so why say, "I'm sorry?" 

4.       Procrastinate less.

5.       Spend more time with family.

6.       Be ready for swimsuit season when it arrives. I have inadvertently entered into a contest with a new acquaintance for who can get visible abs the quickest this year. I plan on coming out on top. 

7.       Be more assertive. 

8.       Be less inhibited. 

9.       Be more calm, cool and collected.

10.   Be more organized (in thought and in action).

Wishes (things I can’t control)

1.       Experience what Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and City refers to as “Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other-love.”

2.       Get kissed in the rain.

3.       Find a four leaf clover.

4.       Be moved to tears in public. For those that know me, I'm a fairly stoic person on the surface. There is definitely a reservoir of emotions underneath it all, but I find it difficult to freely express. 

5.       Meet people who are as straightforward as I am. I'm all about efficiency. Let's just tell each other what we really want and save that valuable time we would have wasted beating around the bush. 

6.       Experience a random act of kindness. 

7.       Find a beautiful vintage book.

8.       Get complimented on having good form (weight lifting or running).

9.       Have someone make me blush intensely.

10. Come out winning in a fight if I were to be in one.  

Adventures in 2011

I'll spin your head right round, right round when
I write my bucket list down, down

As I was waiting for my vehicle to be serviced, I killed some time at a local bar with a Ketle One dirty martini. It was either the martini at 11:30AM on a Wednesday or the fact that it was close to the end of the year that inspired me to write my 2011 Bucket List (and no, I don't plan on dying in 2011).

My Top Ten (in no particular order) & Why:

1. Run a half marathon under 2 hours 

I want to run a full marathon before I turn 30, this will be a good start. I like challenges that engage both the body and the mind and I want to see if I can do better than my first attempt at a half marathon 5 years ago. 

2. Get visible abs

I want to have a photo of myself looking ridiculously jaw dropping in a skimpy bathing suit. So when I am wrinkly and saggy, I can say to myself, "You lived your life to the fullest and pushed your body to be the best it can be." Here's to living without regrets. 

3. Send a gorgeous man a drink from across the bar

This is purely an exercise of building confidence (I do plan on lookin' smokin' to for this). I have never sent a man a drink or used a pick up line before because (a) I have never had to- I'm usually on the receiving end of such & (b) If I wanted to, I never had the guts to do it. I have no intentions of picking up anyone, I just want to do it, just to do it. My worst nightmare would be if I sent the drink and the man's wife/girlfriend/boo returns from the bathroom and gets really jealous. To that imaginary woman, you should feel honored that you are with a man hot enough to be worthy of me sending him a drink, so chill out!! 

4. Sky dive

I am afraid of heights. I just want to do one tandem dive to get it out of my system. Besides, I hear the adrenaline rush is quite the experience. The only way #4 would not happen is if my loving parents get overwhelmingly worried and I respect their concerns. No need of putting mom through all that stress (I might just do it without telling them first). 

5. Travel to a new continent

There are 3 continents I haven't been to: Africa, South America & Antarctica. It's my life dream to travel to all 7. It will most likely be Africa - I hear the pyramids in Egypt calling my name. 

6. Do a pull up

After I admitted I couldn't do one, a friend asked me, "What happens if you fall off a balcony?" To which I replied, "Well, I guess I would die!" So, I'm going to master the pull up so I can prevent myself from hypothetically going, "SPLAT!"

7. Learn how to pole dance

This is kind of #2 & 3. Building confidence and working on getting visible abs simultaneously. I don't plan on showcasing any moves, I just want a fun workout that makes me feel like I can conquer the world in 5 inch heels. 

8. Finance the construction of a water well in a third world country via Charity:Water

I don't make a ton of money, but I make enough to live very comfortably. I also make enough to splurge and waste money very comfortably as well. I feel I have been selfish with what I have and want to give back. Charity:Water is a great organization - check it out and contact me if you want to help. 

9. Increase my business growth 

In order to be a well rounded individual, I believe one must have personal as well as professional goals. I just started being a manager about 10 months ago at the age of 24. There is still so much to learn and so much I can improve on. I want to do far better than I have done this year and develop myself professionally. 

10. Engage in volunteer work

I wondered where all my time went and this past fall, I started a calendar to track what I actually did when I'm not working, working out or doing those necessary daily things (sleeping, eating, paying bills). Most of my time was devoted to a highly active social life - going out with friends, going on dates and traveling. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to still flutter my social butterfly wings, but I want to prioritize things and fit some monthly volunteer work in as well. Quality over quantity, I suppose. 

I will post updates when each item gets crossed off - hopefully with great photos too!!

Side notes:

Here's a terrible pickup line inspired by the bucket list, "If you think sending you a drink is sexy, wait 'til you see what I can do with a pole." I think I would start laughing hysterically before I can even finish saying it.

The Male Mind: A $4 Inside Scoop

Six months ago, I decided to put myself back on the market. I felt I had healed enough after ending my long-term relationship and was ready to start dating again. But where do I begin? I haven't gone on a first date in four years! My "game" was so rusty, I wanted to give myself a tetanus shot. Then all of the sudden, the clouds parted and a ray of beautiful sunlight descended from the heavens and showed me the answer. In reality, the window washers came to clean the windows of my loft on the sixth floor and I wanted to sit in the living room and pretend to read a magazine in hopes of checking out some hot men in uniforms dangling outside my window from harnesses. I happened to pick up my ex-boyfriend's issue of Men's Health and realized that the magazine wasn't kidding when it put on the cover, "tons of useful stuff."

I am completely infatuated with Men's Health. It has everything a girl like me could ask for- insider tips into the male mind, fitness tips, recipes, tons of other practical information AND pictures of sexy men on every page. 

Top 5 useful things I learned from reading Men's Health: 

1. What men are worried about (It's pretty much the same as us ladies! Hair, wrinkles, weight, how to attract the opposite sex, etc.)

2. What men look for in a relationship, turn offs/turn ons & what they think they know about women

3. How men tend to deal with stuff that arise in relationships and work

4. What techniques men are trying to hone in order to pick us up

5. What techniques men are trying to hone in order to thrill us in the bedroom 

Of course every man is unique and has a different takes on #1-5, but getting a little insider information put me a little more at ease as I stepped back into the dating world. Knowing that men stress about the same things I  do makes going on dates a tad less intimidating. Ladies, it's a wealth of information for only 4 bucks and trust me, it's worth it.

Side notes:
1. When I told my ex-boyfriend I was reading his Men's Health subscriptions for dating research, he replied, "That's OK, I took some of your old Cosmos when I moved the rest of my stuff out of the same reason!"

2. Information in Men's Health is so straight forward and without all the frills. One of my most favorite section is "How to Do Everything Better," in which you get mini lessons on things like how to to pour the perfect glass of champagne or how to prevent your windows from fogging. These tips are so much more practical than how to get straight, sexy hair (what woman doesn't know how to use a flat iron?). Besides, I already wake up in the morning with straight, sexy hair : )

Re-Break My Heart, Say You Don't Love Me Again

Unlike Toni Braxton, this girl isn't afraid of being left out in the rain.

During a light discussion about dating over dinner with a friend last night, something profound dawned on me. As we talked about our fears of having our precious hearts shattered, I suddenly realized that I have arrived at that stage of life where I am comfortable and confident with myself enough that I am not afraid of having my heart broken. Of course I don't want to have my feelings hurt, but I know that I am strong and resilient enough to withstand the potential aftermath. I have come to the realization that I am ready to fall head over stilettos without a helmet or knee pads!

If love is a game, I want it to be rugby. I am ready to play hard, be thrilled and be fearless. Experiencing love and experiencing the lost of it is like a rite of passage. Why shy away from it? Why not embrace it full force? Sure, it could end up horribly, but isn't the chance of finding that grand love worth the risk? The grand love you may find could even be more love for yourself. I want to convince my dear friend that heart break is, after all, just another part of growing up and self-discovery. Don't be afraid of that pain, don't be afraid of being left in the rain. If you ever find yourself stuck in what seems to be a torrential downpour, remember to not just stand there...remember that around the corner, there could be a big awning or even a gorgeous stranger willing to share his or her umbrella with you. 

Smile-worthy Notes:

I got hit up with a holiday theme pickup line today, "Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you!" 

Capitalism: A Taste Story

My first order of business after clearing immigration/customs upon returning from Vietnam was to get McDonald's. I wasn't in the mood for McDonald's. I wasn't even hungry. I was yearning for the flavor of America. The taste of capitalistic efficiency, equality, peace of mind and comfort. For around $6, I got all of that and a little more. And yes, when you are tired and jet lagged from 27 hours of travel, these abstract notions were tangible in the warmth of a cheeseburger and a medium order of fries. Who knew that mass produced food can be so enlightening to a foodie like me? There I was, in Terminal 2 of Chicago O'Hare, happy as a clam.

1. Capitalistic efficiency - It took me approximately 100 seconds to get my food after a swift swipe of my debit card. The line was more than 15 people deep with more lining up still. The team of about 11-12 employees behind the counter was working at a frantic speed, cranking out white paper bags of fast food and delivering them with smiles. Time is money and cash registers were cha-chinging with every passing second. This was a far cry from the incompetence I observed while overseas. Lines were long. Workers were unorganized and unfriendly. When you are used to a certain expectation for years, enduring countless repeated inefficiencies was frustrating to say the least. It also got me wondering about the economic growth of Vietnam...but that's a different story.

2. Equality - In America, we like to think everyone deserves to be treated equally. If Barack Obama ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald's, he would get the exact same thing as me or the guy next to me. His order may be served up with a bigger smile, but you get the point. The prices for the food were listed brightly and clearly. You knew exactly how much you're going to pay and exactly what you're going to get. Sounds simple enough, but don't take it for granted. While I was with my friend abroad, we were ripped off many times. He was often being overcharged because he was a white man in a suit on the streets of Hanoi. I was often being overcharged because I was not a local. Sometimes there were no price tags and when there were price tags, you couldn't trust them.

Social Experiment: For some reason Vietnamese people thought I was either Japanese or Korean (I've actually been mistaken for Japanese since I was a child). I decided to walk into a clothing store and pretend I did not speak Vietnamese. I asked for the price of a wool coat in my accent-free English and the saleswomen actually talked amongst themselves, mumbling about how much more to charge me because I was a foreigner. I shook my head in disgust and walked straight out. I was overwhelmed. I felt like I was suffocating from the injustice. I understand this is a poor country and everyone needs to make a buck, but at what cost of morality? Of course, these things happen in America all the time, but not as blatantly and with such disregard.

3. Peace of mind and comfort - I knew the food I ate was safe and that the McDonald's has been inspected by a government official who was not bribed (99% sure). I knew there was some sort of quality control in this place. This was the country of voluntary recalls. Where the desire for safety and quality is driven by capitalism. Money talks and it told me that any scandal over unsafe anything meant less cha-chinging at the cash registers.

It pains me to think about how the things I witnessed and experienced were the product of years of war and civil unrest. I am no expert in history or politics, but maybe the lack of development is due to the constant occupation by so many forces over the past few centuries - from the Chinese, French and Japanese to the Americans. I wish for improvement in my former home country and hope that my experience will be a bit different upon my next trip back. But for now, I am glad to call America my home. I missed the simple things I took for granted. I missed the familiarity of everything. I missed home! I was grateful to come home and more grateful that my parents made the bold decision to move to America 18 years ago. America is not perfect, but it is a country with more basic luxuries than a lot of other places.

Footnote:
Hours later, my stomach didn't feel all that great. I had been eating fairly healthy and a big dose of saturated fat did not do me good. The taste of capitalism may be delicious at times, but it doesn't come without consequence.